Ten years ago I was celebrating with friends at the estate SOL Y Sombra in Santa Fe, New Mexico- the former Georgia O'Keefe home was then owned by the Miller's of Houston.....Champagne flowed as my friends toasted the pending adoption of my son.
As the brillant sun was setting casting a golden and purple shadow on the mountains, I sat with my dear sister Caryl Westwood in the Miller's greenhouse- we were sitting under the Bodhi tree that the Dali Lama gifted the Millers and we prayed....I remember asking in my meditative prayer for courage and strength for what would become my greatest JOY- being Matt's DAD....I never thought it was possible to be gay and single and still be able to create a family.....and here I was on the eve of fatherhood celebrating this huge life event.
It took me four years-countless meetings, parenting classes and be introduced to lots of kiddos that needed forever homes....I read a paragraph about little boy in foster care- I never saw a picture- but something about those few words stirred in me a response-
I knew he was my son feeling- It took two years of campaigning and finally he had a social worker assigned that said YES- let’s have you meet....
I sat in a social services building lobby for about 10 minutes waiting. It seemed like hours...I clutched a small Winnie the Pooh I picked up to gift this little guy...my hands were sweating and I felt a little shaky. I was going to meet this little boy that might become my family.....what would it be like? what will I say?
A giant steel door opened and a little head peeked out- and this little kid in a denim jumpsuit and t-shirt ran over to me....he took one look into my eyes- set his hands on my knees and said HI DADDY....
I picked him up and started to cry holding him close to me.....
Hi my son- I am here,
I'll always be here for you- I uttered through my joyful tears.....
This little character had been in fostcare for four years and had been severely abused. How could anyone hurt this little boy, this sweet little angel....
The past ten years have been the most rewarding and the most challenging....it is not easy to be a single parent. In the middle of the night I wake up and start worrying- fretting- am I doing ok with all of this- I forgot to sign papers- or send lunch money did I call the doctor- OMG we need more clothing he is growing too fast- another pair of sneakers?...was that time-out long enough?..did I tell him I love him today?....did I hug him enough?
My son was considered a crack baby/failure to thrive and he was bulimic at the age of 3. When he turned 7, I was working in INDY for artist- Nancy Noel- and we had to catch up on vaccines- so I took him to the Doc and he had the shots required for school in Indiana.
8 weeks later I noticed a remarkable difference in his behavior. He started with violent temper tantrums and throwing things in a glazed-over state. he kept acting out and screaming and yelling. I held tight to him. held him close to me- I promised him it would get better.
We moved to Rochester after a year in Indy- back to where I grew up- and I opened my PR and marketing firm. It was here that we went through 32 specialists, doctors and therapists to finally find out that my son was on the autistic spectrum with multiple issues compounding his autisim. He had DNA testing, cat scans, ultra sounds, blood and urine work ups, non-verbal IQ testing, IQ testing, adaptive testing, high risk testing, talk therapy, play therapy, spiritual therapy, reiki, massage, animal therapy, and a lot of testing in school- speech- OT-PT- on and on.....
The hardest part of all of this- is the schooling piece. We have lived in four different districts and still have not found a program that matches my son's needs.
We were in the richest school district called BRIGHTON and treated like criminals- it was a disgusting experience on every level. Special ED programs are not ready for the influx of what is happening, nor are they moving in a direction to support the needs of these kids with multiple issues. Ship them off to an institution is the answer for most districts. Brighton is regarded as one of the top districts in the nation- yet if your kid falls into the special needs category they look the other way and gladly pay for a placement outside of the district. Can you tell I have an issue with them?....
For the time being my son is tutored at home by his teacher WAYNE- a former principal....recently photographer Megan Rossman came over and shot a few pictures of us- some of Matt with Wayne and more of our family time together....
Ten years goes by like a flash-memories of my friends toasting me in the light of New Mexico linger forever....I remember that prayer under the Dali Lama's bodhi tree asking for courage and strength- that prayer is renewed every day as I venture on.....like most parents we all share the same issues- it doesn't matter if you are gay-straight- single or married- we all love and care about our kids and wish them the very best- and sometimes we have to fight for what is their rightful place in this world.
My son has grown into a magnificent young man- funny-delightful and insightful....He is quirkie and distracted easily and he is a very normal teen- sassy- stubborn and he thinks about girls all day long....
It is easy for me to say that my greatest JOY is my son- he is my life and I am proud to be his dad- Being his father defines me in this lifetime....I have made great mistakes along the way and I have fallen down many many times...and it is my son's love that lifts me up to be a better person- a better man....How lucky
I am to have my MATTHEW- truly a gift from GOD.
David Christian Hamblin
A F.A.G American Father
www.fabulousandgay.com
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