Thursday, December 20, 2007

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Shirley MacLaine and my F.A.G Lesson in Living a Fabulous LIFE! Get a Kathy Griffin celeb look-a-like for practice!!

Yesterday I was asked by a media columnist what were the ten essential ingredients of living a fabulous life... I replied with an attitude- wait till my book comes out on that subject.....but this morning as the snow comes a falling down and the holiday cookies are in the oven I thought I would share one special ingredient-

Living a fabulous life is of course for everyone, not just us wonderful gay folks- so that said- here goes- a nod to my super shallow self!

Having celeb friends will always help you live a more fabulous life- I have known this from an early age- perhaps part of my F.A.G DNA....

Many lunar cycles ago I had the opportunity to have dinner with Hollywood's Oscar-winning movie and stage legend Shirley Maclaine in Abiqiui NM- Just the two of us at a Moroccan restaurant- I was interviewing her for a feature in my newspaper The World Times-the Good News Newspaper- she had just returned from her pilgrimage in Spain- and her new book had just been released- My Lucky Stars-I drove the 30 minutes north from my Santa Fe MT home to meet up with Shirl- after a few calls- her Hollywood famed publicist Dale Olson (a frequent guest on Larry King LIVE) had set this interview up for us- On the drive north through the land I love(Black Mesa and the Chama River basin) I kept thinking about how confident and excited I was- and of course how ready I was for the interview-I had spent a sleepless night reading her book and researching material on her- a lot of information I already knew- having been a fan for years-(she had turned me on through her best-selling pop-cultural new age books to healer Chris Griscom- alien research- spiritual ideas that shook me up to think and live differently) and as I sat in the restaurant I started to get nervous and sweat- god lord I kept saying to myself- I am meeting fuckin Shirley Maclaine- she walked in the room and I almost fainted- like a big nell I had lost all control of myself and blubbered through dinner and the interview-I was clearly a mess- but Shirl being the fabulous star she is- reaching over the table she stroked my flushed red cheek and told me that I was very sweet...(most likely she wanted to bitch slap me for being such a FAG!).....but somehow that magical touch calmed me down to finish up the interview without stuttering....we walked outside basking in the glow of a magical New Mexican sunset-we hugged each other goodbye she took my trembling hand and gave me a piece of paper with her home phone number on it!!...I hopped in my Jeep and she in her Bronco and off we went....

As I drove back to Santa Fe I kept thinking about how I had just been one degree from Barbra Streisand who is Jason Gould's mother- the man I want to marry....I wondered if Shirl would mention to Barbra that she met this nervous idiot of a gay man who Jason might want to date?....OMG-my mind was racing-I had just been with the woman who starred with my idol Peter Sellers- oh my god-I can't believe I just had dinner with Warren Beatty's sister- ahhhh I was clearly a mess and I realized that I needed some kind of intervention- so I stopped at a road stand and ate a burrito smothered in green chile- it always helps to ground me-

I got home opened a corona and thought about what a complete and utter fool I had been- yet like most of my life experiences I look for the lesson-I was left with one of the greatest F.A.G lessons ever- LEARN to BE fabulous around CELEBS-goodness- clearly a lesson I needed to learn- after my breathing exercises to calm down I decided that I should start working on the Maclaine article....I turned on the recorder and realized that I only recorded the first few moments of us ordering our Moroccan chicken dinner-in my nervousness I must have shut the recorder off- OMG- what a fuckin' QUEER boy I am!!- My once in lifetime date with Shirl and it wasn't even on tape- Holy Fuckin Rice-a-Roni!

So many faggy lessons jammed into this lifetime!

F.A.G Lesson one- GET yourself a celeb friend-and stay calm and cool.....

Now one key ingredient in helping you become more comfortable with celebs is to hang out with their look-a-likes- so I have made friends with the darlin' and talented Patty Accorso- she resides in Orlando-and is currently Kathy Griffin's Look-a-Like. Hanging with 'MY Kathy' is really a hoot-and it has made me more comfortable with the idea that someday soon I will be hosting many a celeb for my annual F.A.G Luncheon in South Beach- I am getting ready as I spend time with MY KATHY....I need to remain calm when I met JLO and RICKY- and oh me on this one- The REAL Kathy Griffin!! get yourself a look-a like first to be comfortable- so when you meet a real celeb- calmness, coolness and of course FABULOUSNESS will follow!......

David Christian Hamblin
A F.A.G American

Friday, December 14, 2007

LGBT Business Forum Holiday Party!

As the northeast winter storm blasted us last evening we huddled together at the RMSC for the Rochester New York LGBT Business Forum Holiday Party. Hedonist Artisan Chocolates displayed over-the-top goodies! Congrats to partners Zahara and Jenny! Xerox's Alan Larsen won a $1000 bag of F.A.G Presents! The most honorable F.A.G REV Jim Hughes was on hand with a host of fabulous folks- Guests from WEST Mass were there- GEVA Theatre's Colleen showed up with managing director Gregg from Houston- my son took pictures of the event and hung with F.A.G friends Becca and Kerry. Peter Elliott looked great with best pal REV Dave. Eddie was his bitchy self with me- I adore sparring with him!...and some guy named Chris caught my eye-love his shoes- F.A.G friend Terry was there-he just won Bartender of the Year Award from F.A.G! (he served me a beer once at the local leather bar, he did it so well I gave him our local bartender award)- Hair burner (meow) Daniel Ward debuted his newest man- wow what a hunk-the BF not Daniel- god he never calls me, Daniel not the BF- although the BF can call me....... Local F.A.G icon Evelyn Bailey was there- as well as the most fab F.A.G man in town John Altieri! Cutie SEAN was honored for his volunteering and Ed Poplin for his fabulous work on stage! Straight man Christopher Lewis and gay daddy TIM hung out with me for a bit-Tim Stallman was dashing and Kevin Mclean was wearing the same "Outfit" I was...I need to call my stylist Kevin Klass and make sure Target doesn't give me off the rack anymore!! Speaking of Mr. Klass- he was at home in bed nursing (high on vicadin) a wounded neck and arm...he won't own up on how he hurt himself- but me thinks it is from some disco move in the shower at the doubt....get better old man I have more holiday parties ya have to dress me for....
Special Thanks:
Thrive Records In West Hollywood
Sunfeather Soap
Martha Bartfeld
Bri Johnson
Joan Post
R Family Vacations
Gregg Kaminsky
Rosie and Kelli O'Donnell
Roger Landphear
Michael Stanton

An American F.A.G
David Christian Hamblin

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

NYC Holiday party at the Waldorf Astoria! INTERIOR DESIGN MAGAZINE!!!

Our very own F.A.G Galpals Donna Accorso and Heather Hughes and our number one F.A.G Shave cream customer Valentin Ortolaza were on hand at Interior Design Magazine's 23rd Hall of Fame Awards & Gala at the Waldorf Astoria! Joining us from ID were Jonathan Kessler and Laura Steele. A fab night for us F.A.G types who adore interior design- It was truly a fabulous night- I ate way too much but looked smashing in my Ralph Lauren tux....too bad I wasn't in any of the pics!

F.A.G it BABY!!
David Christian Hamblin

A Fagulous LIFE!

I was just interviewed for a new internet gay magazine about our product line F.A.G. The interviewer- who sounded a bit Barbara Walters/Jane Paulyish asked me what was fabulous about my life.....hmmmm...I paused for a moment- thinking about my morning and how fabulous-NOT- it twas- the alarm had sounded and I nearly jumped a foot- it is a new clock and I had NO idea it would make a sound like Ethel Merman getting hit by a dump truck- not pretty-oh boy not pretty- I screamed the Lord's name- woke him up too me thinks-the dogs went flying- the cat bellowed a sound that woke the Sun Conure up who started chirping some nasty Broadway tune from Evita- all the while my autistic 14 year old son was yelling at me from his room- Dad keep it down I am trying to get some sleep-Come on I said get up time for school.....mumble mumble he makes his way to the hallway-one look at me and he says I look so bad that I should stay in bed the rest of the day- just as he mutters than I see the puppy going piddle piddle- I scoop Adam up and run downstairs to let him out- the other pup- Tallulah is beggin' for food-the cat is clawing to get outside- (he's an indoor cat)-the water on the stove is a whistling I can't find my coffee press- I reach for the organic eggs to make breakfast they all fall to the floor I swear and scream again- Do you know much these fuckin' eggs cost?-now the bus is only minutes from being at the door- my son is STILL in the shower- come on I yell up the stairs- get moving- I hear him yell something back at me- the Sun Conure mimics what he said- I try to ignore it-but it pisses me off even more- I run upstairs to get my son shaking and I slip in the puppy's piddle that I forgot to clean up and I fall on my fat FAGGY middle-aged ass- I scream again-Holy Liza Cher and Bette Midler!!(my tribute moment to Will and Grace)-get out of the shower your bus is coming- ahhhh- my son is now yelling back at me- I am conditioning my hair dad- forget about it- get out of there- he steps out of the bathroom- just kiddin' dad- now my blood pressure is higher than Britney Spears- so I reach for my meds-my diabetes pills- my lithium- my social anxiety disorder pills- my muscle relaxation pills-and my beloved Prilosec, my calming herb tablet- they all fall out of my hand all over the floor- the cat vacuums them all up and I scream again- the cat runs way I run after the cat while the Sun Conure sits on his perch and I can't find the cat and my son is asking for breakfast- did you put your deodorant on? NO- go put it on- did you brush your teeth- NO- go brush them- get your shoes on- HURRY-with one remaining egg I make what I call a hot meal for my kid- get your jacket on- I don't want to wear one- What???? it's an Arctic blast out there- Oh dad you worry about too much- HUH?- yes you need to relax a little- why don't you do some YOGA?- YOGA!!!!!! I scream- Ya know dad I am not sure what's up with you this morning but ya kinda sound like grandma when you scream- OMG my life is over I mutter- I sound like my mother!!!! The bus pulls up and I push my son out the door- Have a lovely day I love you- back inside I run upstairs to jump in the shower- finally peaceful moment- NOT- all of a sudden the tub starts to fill with water and some dark looking substance- I get out of the shower screaming!....what the fuck now?...I am dripping wet- freezing my nips off and I still have body wash bubbles all over my pig colored skin- ahhhh....I do a hand wash and dry off and pray that the rest of the day is better-I keep thinking about my son's mention of me doing YOGA- and chuckle at the thought- I would love to go the Men's naked yoga workshop in Costa Rica this winter-I get lost in the daydream of doing YOGA naked with 100 other men- ohhh ahhh- I finally get dressed-my newly pressed shirt feels so good on me- I grab my now-made coffee a lil 1/2n1/2 and David starts to feel normal- as I was sitting there breathing in the aroma of my newly brewed java- the cat walks by slowly with a glazed look....OMG I forgot I need to call the VET- off to the Animal ED and an hour later and $300 spent the cat has had his stomach pumped and is ready to come home- back home we go- I walk in and realize that I had left the bird out of his cage- he swoops down lands on my shoulder and lays a BIG runny poopy on my newly pressed shirt that I was SO happy about wearing.....the phone rings my life coach Joan Post pumps me up for my media interview that I forgot about- the other phone rings and it's time for my interview-and now the question from the Barbara Walters/Jane Paulyish person- What was fabulous about MY life?....I look around a long breath reaches my lungs- the cat is on my lap in a near coma state, the puppy is in the corner of my office pooping- the bird is flying around the room ready to land another ugly on me- and I answer: Everything about my life is FABULOUS-you might even say it is FAGULOUS!......

David Christian Hamblin
An American F.A.G

Monday, December 10, 2007


A fabulous kick off to the holiday season in our hometown- BROW DIVA ( opened her doors to an over-the-top festive party for invited guests- Catered by LUKAS and F.A.G cookies by Ryan-wow what a night!!!.....Brow Sculptor Alyssa and her wild tatted Andy were there-soon to be Mr. and Mrs. on New Years- yes, I will be back in town for the wild nuptial party!....Floyd and Diva gal Rachel both looked stunning- Brow Diva Manager Julie was all smiles with her boy toy NY Trooper JOHN- People Magazine freelance make-up stylist and cosmetic GURU Deborah Netti was hanging out in a FABULOUS red outfit-she sparkled like a holiday ornament hanging from a tree at Harrods-(can ya tell I like her) Park Ave F.A.G designer Monica Guilian spent the evening laughing with me in the corner while we grazed the food bar-I love eating with this dame- she can down an hors d'Oeuvre in record time- I adore that about a gal!! DIVA receptionist Amy has more stories about naked rugby players than anyone I know-and of course with me she gets an instant audience- her Turkish Muslim hubby was there- Oakty- what a man- wow- I was all a flutter- I need me a Turkish Muslim hubby- whew- New to the Brow Diva family drop-dead gorgeous Lanay and her hunky husband Mark were there and videographer/filmmaker Ryan Cahill stopped in with his news team from the local station- I recently had a small role in his film- I'll post it one of these days-lots of laughter and cheer filled the room adorned with fresh pine and the votive light gave us all a wonderful glow.....well that and the three glasses of champagne.....
Now I have been to parties from sea to shining sea and I must tell ya- that Brow Diva knows how to throw a Fabulous- and a bit- Gay holiday party!! Deanna Cahill- the Brow Diva herself- is basking in the glow of great success- her long term marriage to Kevin(a Greek GOD)is stronger than ever-her children are doing fabulous and WE are celebrating our 20 years of friendship!...Now that my F.A.G friends is something to celebrate this holiday!!....

David Christian Hamblin
A F.A.G American